Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Unexpected

As I was reading an old Bible this morning that a friend recently gave me, an old check fell out of it. Not from my friend or from the past 20 years or so(the date still had 19__). It was scribbled on and torn in two pieces like a child had played with it.

As soon as it fell out I heard Holy Spirit say, "When you seek me for me and aren't looking for my blessings and gifts, they will surprise you and fall on you."

Man, that's so good! I feel like I lived out a tiny little piece today of "Seek first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added to you". God will sometimes withhold the blessings he desperately wants to give us because we're not ready or they would do more harm to us than good. But when your heart is fully after him, blessings and favor will start to overtake you.

I also find it interesting that the check is 20 yrs old. God has stuff he's waiting to give us. We're not waiting on him. He's waiting on us. If you're in lack today, it's not because God doesn't know or doesn't care, it's because you're too caught up in or your heart is too attached to the promises God has made to you than how attached your heart is to him. Seek first God and his kingdom, truly seeking him for him. And when your heart has fully been captivated by him things will start to unexpectedly happen.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Trust > Fear

Sitting outside in the grass today catching some of the gorgeous weather waiting for my laundry to be done, I ask Holy Spirit a question as I sense him wooing me into his presence.

"Why do I fear trusting you because the people I last trusted betrayed me? Why am I stuck here? You didn't betray me. No one else betrayed me, yet here I am calm on the outside but my spirit is a fortress on high alert at all times. How do I move forward from this spot of betrayal and let you and others in again?"

Son, I love your heart. Not only that you desire to trust Me and others and share that deep connection but that you realize that you've kept your guard up for so long. Honestly, the answer is simple. Choose to. Don't apply the experience you had with some to everyone. Treat me and everyone else as if we've never failed you until they have. Then forgive and love again.

See, you're stuck where you are because you believe the fear that you will be betrayed again. And, honestly, you might. But not by me. You are choosing to be locked up in fear so that you won't get hurt again. What you don't realize is that by doing this, you choose to live in that fear and that pain of betrayal every day. Not giving yourself hope or a chance to live in freedom. I did not give you a spirit of fear that you should cower on the inside. I made you courageous. My word says the righteous are bold as a lion. That is who you are son. That is your nature and your inheiritance, to be bold as the kingly lion. A lion is not afraid or concerned what others think. He walks with authority and confidence in who he is knowing he is the king of the plains. So, you should know who you are, with Jesus seated as a king in heavenly places walking in the flesh on this earth but with the same authority and dominion as you have in heaven.

Do not live by what you see in the natural. Live by who I say you are in the spirit. There is adventure for you every day. Every problem you face is an invitation for you and I to crush the schemes of the devil together. Every curse spoken against you will fall to the ground and I will turn it to a multiplied blessing. This is what you can expect as a son of my kingdom. So, why do you choose to live in fear? Have I not been faithful every time things went sideways in your life? Have I not used everything for your good and my glory? So today, choose and determine within yourself that you will not fear and believe the lies of darkness and trust me and believe and walk in the ways of light.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Constant Struggle With Darkness

It's easier to stay in the fortress of your apartment, letting no one in and removing the ability to get hurt. It's easier to not reach out when you're having a terrible day and not "bother anyone". It's easier to believe the lies that you're an awful person who's never going to amount to anything and that the world would be a much better place without you.

It may surprise some of you that this is far too often my struggle. I'm so upbeat and positive and believe all the good things for everyone around me because some days I still don't have it figured out to do all that for myself.

Crap happens in life and gets all of us at one point or another. Whether you've been betrayed, manipulated, taken advantage of, lied to, abused, forgotten, or ignored we all carry pain we don't like to talk about. And maybe that's ok. Maybe it's ok to focus on the light and do our best to ignore the darkness. But we can't let it win. And when was the last time you won a battle by ignoring your enemy?

I know one of my biggest downfalls is not admitting when I'm not ok. It's gotta get really bad and there be some sort of crisis on my hands before I'll be truly honest and reach out for a hand or make a phonecall or even just pray about it. I'm the first one to care about everyone around me and the last to remember myself. That may seem admirable but is it really when it's just deflection? Is it really admirable when I focus on what everyone else needs to ignore the pain I feel? Sure, there's some good fruit in it, but damn is it unhealthy. And all it does is lock me into the cycle I've been in for years. Top of the world. Bottom of the barrel. Repeat. Sometimes it's months before I make the switch but I always do.

Why am I typing all this mess up now? Cuz if there's one way to fight the darkness it's to bring it to light. I am by no means encouraging anyone to identify themselves by the struggles you have. But what stays in the shadows will always have a hold over you. Im not asking you to publicly share what's happened, what gets to you, what darkness holds you down at night and steals your sleep. But tell someone. Get it off your chest. And heck, if any of this that you've read sounds like you, maybe you and I both need to find a way to ask for help when we need it.

You are more than the words you tell yourself when no one is listening. You are more than the lies you'd never repeat. There is hope for you friend if you choose to believe. To all my hurting friends who struggle with darkness, let the light shine. And be free.