Saturday, December 10, 2016

Fears. The Lies We Face That Counter Reality

It's time for some transparency tonight. Partially to write out my thoughts so I can sort through them and partially to show anyone else in the same boat they are not alone.

What's my biggest fear? Ending up alone. And the dumbest part about it, the time I feel the weight of this irrationality is just after experiencing not being alone. For example, let's take today. I ended up going to to watch A Christmas Story in an old theater in Franklin. There happened to be a Christmas festival in the streets when we went as well. It was a great afternoon. After the movie we wandered around and grabbed dinner and the group of us just enjoyed each other's company. It was fantastic.

I walk back to the car and am on the road no less then a few minutes and the immediate lack of tangible company is a breeding ground for projecting irrational fears. That somehow im going to be miserable and have no community or relationships. That I'm going to be forgotten and not valued.

Now hold up. How dumb is that? I mean, come on. I was just with friends for an entire afternoon just a few minutes ago. On top of that, I make friends pretty easily. I enjoy pretty much everyone I get to know and somehow I believe that I'm going to be left stranded to rot on my own. Ya, it's pretty stupid. But the emotions that fuel this fire are very real. That's where i have to discern and be careful to not let the truth of what I feel out weigh the truth of my reality.

The truth is, me ending up alone and forgotten will only happen if I choose to make that my reality. If I let what I "feel", and the tangible truth that there is not a physical person here right now this minute, override the fact that I have loads of relationships just a text or phonecall away, that's on me. My reality is determined by ME. Sure I can focus on what I don't like about the stillness of the present moment or I can choose to focus on the great afternoon I just had. Or the next great adventure on my horizon.

I've heard it before a thousand times. What you focus on, multiplies. If you choose to focus on the irrational possibility that you'll end up miserable and alone, you may just defy the odds and make it happen.

So, the truth is this. I have wonderful relationships, yes plural, in my life. I couldn't get away with being alone if I tried. I am surrounded by people who love me too much to let me disappear. And chances are, so do you. But have you been focusing on the in between moments when you have some time to yourself? Are those the moments that fill your thoughts? Or are the good times surrounded by love and community what captivates you?

I guarantee you, whichever you choose you will see more of.

Thanks for taking the time to join me on this journey of my thoughts. Hopefully in some way they help or inspire you to enjoy everything that surrounds you.

Monday, December 5, 2016

As Your Heroes Change

As I'm lying in my bed tonight doing my traditional scroll through social media before I go to sleep I see yet another post from a hero who I used to look up to. I say used to, because I cannot look up to him like I once did. He no longer inspires me the way he did before.. The problem is, he didn't change. I did.

In my journey of trying to understand the divine, I didn't hold back. I was relentless and reckless along the way. I mean, it caused me to quit my jobs, travel across country in a breaking down vehicle with no plan and no money. The result has turned out great. I'm glad I got here. But the collateral damage has to beg the question, was there a better way for me to get here?

Because of my intensity, I was drawn to heroes who were just as if not more intense than I was. Which of course, only made my intensity worse. It's sad to see how easily people can be manipulated off a cliff or into a hole just because the leader is so passionate. History will back me up on that one. Passion. Passion is a wonderful, powerful thing. But when pointed in the wrong direction or masking an ill intentioned heart, it can be disastrous.

I've been the one who had passion working for him and I've been the one who's been duped by another man's passion. I used to think passion was enough. I used to pride myself on my drive and my crazy. Thinking because that one trait was miles greater than anyone I knew, it would compensate for everything else I was lacking.

Passion is beautiful. But it's only a piece. I know that now. And hopefully you will understand that no matter how amazing your natural tendencies are, they don't compensate for the places you lack. That doesn't mean you have to try to be someone you're not. Thats where community and relationships come in. We were never designed to see the whole picture with just one puzzle piece.

So, as I see the passionate man who I've looked up to for years post another thing I just don't agree with, I'm thankful for the times he "wore that cape" for me. My perspective of him and his perspectives on life helped me get where I am today. Even though I doubt he will ever play that role for me again, I'm still thankful for the time he did.

So if your heroes change along the way be careful not to turn them into villains. Remember the good times and the inspiration they once brought you. Nothing lasts forever. And nothing stays the same. Treasure the good moments and don't try to recreate the past.

Until next time...

Friday, November 18, 2016

A Paradigm Shift

A lot has happened over the journey of the past few months. My whole paradigm has shifted. And as is typical with huge shifts in paradigm it's easy to feel empty and hollow. Because what once was there to ground you and help you feel normal is gone. Leaving you floating, searching for an anchor of sorts.

The transition is always the hardest. The storms, the constant possibility of imminent disaster. But these are the very circumstances that create timeless stories that are told through the ages. These are the tales that forge heroes and villains alike.

I will start what I am about to share with an honest disclaimer. I am merely sharing my story, or a piece of it rather. There is no intent to manipulate or convince you of my perspective. I could care less if you agree but only hope that my perspective causes you to think and that it helps you to grow.

The journey I've been on has mainly been a spiriatul one. Chasing God and doing every thing I thought he wanted me to do. Why? Because I had encounter after encounter with him where he showed me he was real. I kept doing so he would keep coming. In my perspective I tried to earn his relationship. The funny thing is I didn't know that my mere existence had won his heart before I even had the ability to comprehend him.

I've been in and out of church circles, volunteered at various church groups, helped the homeless, chased every avenue of the supernatural I could find, all for a taste of him. All for just a touch of his love. The greater lengths I went to, the more I let myself receive of him. It worked for awhile. But, like any relationship it was hollow. There wasn't real intimacy or relationship. I was a really really good employee. That was it.

Somewhere in the past couple of months a few friends and some more unsought experiences brought me to the place where I've let go of chasing and trying to prove my love to God, whose heart was won by me the moment I existed. It doesn't make sense to me anymore. The rules. The hoops. The games we have to play just to appease him. I'm done. I'm done chasing and believing in a God who is so full of himself that our mistakes are the stench in his nostrils. I'm done living in fear and obligation always trying to be so put together for his sake and his name. I'm done trying to prove my love and earn his.

If that means I'm going to hell, if that makes me a heretic... we'll, ok. I'd rather be wrong than accept a reality where a God who is so loving is so bound by a book documenting his relationship with other humans. It's good history and let's study it. But I cannot believe their relationship with him is more important than my own with him anymore.

So, here's the conclusion I've come to: I'm not a Christian. It's oddly freeing saying that. I'm a guy who has a relationship with a God who apparently made everything. But, the face that he made everything is not all that fascinating to me. What fascinates me is that he is my friend. Faithful and always there. When I could only handle believing the perspective of him needing to be my boss, he played the role cuz that's what I needed then. He is the best friend a person could ever have.

Sure, this transition has had its ups and downs as all good stories do. But there is freedom and peace here unlike anything I've ever known. It's odd not being so compelled by doing what I feel like I have to do and trying to discover who I am and what I love all over again, but that's all going to be written and experienced in the chapters ahead.

Once again, this isn't to start a debate or convince anyone of anything. Many of you have asked why I've been silent on my page and have taken a step back from many things I've done previously. This is why. And as much as you can do digitally, this is me being transparent and inviting relationship and sharing my perspective with anyone who would care to hear it. Hopefully it's encouraging to you and not too offensive. To each of you who read this through, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Freedom Within

The past few weeks have been some of the most trying yet, defining moments of my life. So much so, that I don't think that I can even grasp the depth of what's happened. And if I'm honest, its not just the past few weeks, its the culmination of what has happened the past few years.

Some of you have heard a version of my story before, and there's not time to tell it all here. Nor am I ready to write every detail of it all down quite yet. That's something to be experienced in person over a meal, a beer, coffee, whatever your social setting of choice is. But here are some of the points in the journey that have brought me to such a pivotal point thus far.

A few years ago I was on the brink of ending it all. Which, I've found out is typically a good indicator of the potential for a massive change of direction in your life. Because in those moments, in those moments is when you cannot hide from the reality you currently reside in. It is face to face with you and you have to do something. You can no longer go on as is. Many people don't know how to or cannot comprehend the idea of change. So they are forced to take the only option they think possible... To end their reality as they know it indefinitely.

I was at one of these crossroads a few years back. It was late, my ex unexpectedly came over to see my roommates (we were all friends) and that brought up too much hurt for me to handle. So, naturally, I thought i would drown my sorrows in a few drinks. If you've been there, you know its never worth it and it never works. All it did that night was to bring me to my crossroads where I had to acknowledge all my pain. Not just the pain from my ex leaving me, but all the pain I had been running from for over 20 years.

Needless to say, it was far more than i could handle. And, to be honest, I didn't even realize nor could i comprehend the depth of what was going on in that moment. I snuck away from my friends at the bar and walked a couple blocks to the bridge which I planned to throw myself off. I texted a friend saying i was done and turned off my phone so he couldn't talk me out of what i was about to do. The next thing I remember... I was in my room, throwing my phone. Angry that I was still in pain and I passed out in bed.

The next morning I woke up empty. Hollow. How could I go back to the way things were when I finally saw all that i was ignoring and said it was too much? I couldn't. I had tried to find hope or happiness so many times and now here I was a failure at even being able to turn off the pain. I'm a fast paced individual and rarely stop. That started because I had to run from what I couldn't recognize. Since then, it stems from a hunger for life and the desire to experience everything I possibly can. Anyways, I laid in bed in this empty state for 4 hours. It may not seem long to you but it was an eternity.

But... Then I got a text from a friend asking me to come to "this thing" in my town that evening. I didn't even care to find out what it was. I needed to get out of this stagnant state I was in. I agreed and a few hours later I found myself at church. In another worship service, listening to another guy speak. I grew up in church and knew this scene well. It promised hope, happiness, freedom, joy. Yet rarely if ever delivered. Hence why I found myself in a bar the night before looking for something real. Something tangible. But it wasn't laying in my bed depressed and alone not moving. So, I was there.

When the speaker got up to speak, something was different. I mean, I had done all of this before. But my previous experience with church and God was that of a scientist studying something and reporting their factual findings to you. This was different. This was a man who had actually met God and His very essence came with this man as he spoke. As in many services, the invitation was given to come up front and "give your life to God". I had seen this 100 times before and saw the same people going up again and again out of a place of broken insecurity needing to be validated in their "relationship with God" by getting the warming attention and affection of church members who would on cue flock them and validate their "conversion". It was unauthentic and I wanted nothing to do with that.

But there I was, two words into him inviting people to come and i was shuffling out of my row and running down the isle. That night everything changed. I stood there for 45 minutes in the presence of a God, a being, a Father who this speaker knew and who he said wanted to meet me. The authenticity and realness of Him was so loudly evident. My body was there in that church building, but for the first time I felt free. My spirit was soaring. Many of the things I had grown up to hear over and over in church started to make sense.

I went home that night and told God after meeting him and finding that he was real, "You can have my life. Take it all. Whatever that looks like. I want you." Within 24 hours my band disbanded. And not by my choice. At the time I had built music as my identity. I identified myself as a musician, as a singer, as a band guy instead of identifying myself as a son.

The next thing to go about a month later were my jobs. I spent all my free time talking to and conversing with this... being... this real person who loved me that when he asked me to quit my jobs, I did. I had no idea what was coming. I had no idea what was next. But I knew that he would take care of me. (Now, I'm sharing my experience. Please do not feel that in order to have a journey with God you need to stop practicing your talents and stop working. This is merely my account and my story.)

Fast forward another couple of months and I found myself in a car with a friend on my way to Nashville. No plans. No money. But we made it. Once I got here, there was setup after setup to find the right people. Masterfully, intricately like a skilled surgeon God was slowly expanding my idea of him and simultaneously erasing the things I believed about him that were not true. Along the journey there were many times I missed and got it wrong, but his grace was so big to cover it. Friends I mistakenly hurt and took advantage of. Lives I temporarily sidetracked thinking it was ok because I was "called by God" and "anointed".

Somewhere in the past couple of weeks through some conversations with a good friend of mine, the pieces finally came together. I'm not saying I have everything figured out, that would be super arrogant of me. But I do know that all things that don't make sense about God, don't make sense for a reason. And typically because they are not true. I know that when Jesus died, it was all paid and finished then. Not when I acknowledged it. Then. Which means, I'm free. I've been a son all along and that was the whole point. I chased dreams and prophetic words but it was all missing the point. I'm a son of the Creator of all things. And not only that, but he loves me extravagantly like no one else could. The freedom I have is incomparable to anything else.

Today is the last day of "yesterdays". Today is the last day I define myself by anything I can do or have done. That chapter has ended. Yes, I know I'm basically at the point of tabling everything I once believed and letting the one who calls himself Love teach me everything from beginning to end. Yes, I know that all there is in front of me is unknown. But it is the most exciting, wonderful thing I've ever known. Here's to the past. But, more importantly, here's to the glorious unknown. Here's to the new day. The clean slate I get to wake up with everyday. Nothing is hanging over my head. Nothing but love and freedom and endless possibility.

I'm not going to disrespect you by trying to sell you anything or convince you of my experience. My intent is to share my journey in hopes that it brings some freedom and hope to your life. That if you find yourself looking into the mirror for the first time and are force to a crossroads of change, you can do it. It's scary, but that's what makes a good story or great adventure. Without risk, without danger, or the unknown, there would be no growth or great story on the other side. Keep fighting. Keep going. Keep living your journey. It may be today, it may be tomorrow. It may be a few years from now. But one day you will look back and see that what looked like the darkest days where actually some of the most pivotal and significant days of your life. Carry on friends.

With Love,
-Tony Skinner

Monday, September 26, 2016

Anything is Possible

So, I've heard all the time, "Anything is possible." Or "God can restore anything." And I've believed. But always for everyone else. Never for myself.

Let's take a bit of a journey together. A couple years back I moved to Nashville. It was a crazy journey and I was so full of faith and passion. The problem was that I had way too much passion for the level of character I had. So needless to say, people got hurt. People were drawn into my natural charisma and followed me down a path of destruction believing the best but experiencing the worst. By the time I realized what had gone down, it was too late. Wounds were too deep and friends were lost forever. Or so I thought...

Years went by and as I realized the depth I had hurt people I reached out and gave an apology. It was the least I could do. Believe it or not the apology was taken way better than I could have imagined. Was the bridge repaired at that moment? Haha. Far from it.

Bouncing back again, to the point where I was homeless, one of these friends would pick me up and let me sleep in her car while she was in class cuz I couldn't hardly sleep at night in the park I was staying in at the time. Daily would feed me and literally kept me alive. Knowing or unknowing, my pride manipulated the crap out of these two (and others) thinking "the call" on my life was more important than anyone else.

Then, we come into tonight. I go to see my friends band play (cuz they're really good). Yes, the friend who I screwed over royally. He couldn't have been more excited to see me there to enjoy him play. Before and after conversation was normal and not strained. Completely forgiven. Completely trusted? No, that will take years to earn as it should.

Anyways, the point of all this is to show that even when you screw up the worst you've ever screwed up, when you've hurt the deepest you've ever hurt some one... God can restore anything. I heard him say a few weeks back, "Watch me as I restore everything in your life." I was skeptical at best. But I kept my eyes open. And guess what, he came through.

I'm excited to see what else he has up his sleeve because to me this situation was impossible to mend. Be encouraged friends. There is no mess you've created that God cannot mend. There is no wound he can't heal. And no pit he can't get you out of.

Monday, September 5, 2016

The Butterfly Effect

Have you ever hit that point in your life where you feel like you're boxed into your destiny? Like all the good things you've been working towards or looking for are staring you in the face and running towards you at 100 miles per hour all while being backed into a corner and can't get away no matter how hard you try? Well, if so, that's been my last couple weeks.

It started a couple weeks ago when I was falling asleep and God started talking to me. I quick grabbed my phone and recorded all the things he was saying. (No, I didn't audibly record the voice of God. That would've been pretty neat! Haha.) Strike 1.

The next day my buddy comes up to me at church and told me basically the same things God told me the night before. Strike 2.

Then, a few days ago a friend I haven't talked to in months sends me a Facebook message saying the same thing and expounding on what I had heard. Strike 3.

Never before have I had God speak something so loudly to me as well as be so intentional about it to tell me again and again in just the matter of about a week and a half.

Now, you're probably wondering what he was saying. The basic theme of the word that was repeated was that in the next month, or 30-day period that my life would radically change. All the things I've been waiting for are going to be coming together. It should be a crazy month.

So, it's Labor Day and I'm hanging out at a friends house having some grilled meats and just enjoying the weather when a butterfly comes and lands on my shoulder. And then flies up and lands on my other shoulder. And then flies up and lands on my hat. This is the point when I think, "Ok God, I hear you. What are you trying to tell me?"

I look up what the meaning of butterflies on google quick and here's the first thing that pulls up.

"Imagine the whole of your life changing to such an extreme you are unrecognizable at the end of the transformation. Mind you, this change takes place in a short span of about a month too (that's how long the butterfly life cycle is)."

Confirming yet again that I'm in for an intense month. I'm super excited to see what happens and watch everything unfold and bring you guys with me on the journey.

Also, don't be afraid to let God speak to you through things like a butterfly. Nothing to go building a theology off of, but just know God is always speaking to you and not always in the way we might expect.

As always, be encouraged and unafraid to be everything you were created to be.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Making a Difference




As I was thinking this week about what to write about, I thought back to a wonderful picture I got while I was in church this Sunday. The picture was of myself with arms outstretched in front of a street sign. The scene was all desert and maybe 20-30 yards behind me was a cliff. The street sign was the metal pole with the two green street names pointing in either direction like I was standing at a 4-way stop, except without the road. 

The next thing I pictured was a sea of people blind and dead stumbling forward like zombies toward the cliff. I was there arms outstretched at least forcing people to change the angle they were walking at so they didn't hit the cliff as quickly. Once in a while my efforts supernaturally "awakened" one of the people. Instantly they grabbed my hand and our barrier grew. Before we knew it we had a line of people that stretched for miles containing a sea of millions of people who slowly were waking up. They were saved from a destruction they knew nothing of merely because one person stopped to care. 

One person couldn't save everyone. But one could help one. And then another. And that grew exponentially and we had a wall of people capable of saving millions by working together. The same is true of life. It doesn't have to be me. I don't have to be the first one to help someone. I certainly try, but that's not the point. The point is a culture can be changed by one person deciding to go against the flow and help someone. I challenge you this week to go out of your way to help someone you see. Whether they know they need help or not. Whether they have a hard time receiving it or not. Help someone. You don't have to "change" or "fix" anyone to make a difference. Just authentically show someone you care and watch lives change. 

I'll leave you with this quote Pastor JD gave from Sunday's message when I got this picture, "While I can't fix people, I can make a difference..."

Be blessed and till next time,
Tony Skinner

Thursday, August 25, 2016

The Journey

So, today I got this in the mail. A couple weeks back I had invested in a friend who's headed overseas in a few months to do some awesome missions work. She's doing something awesome and outside the norm for missions fundraising and selling keys that she engraves. You can either choose a word of your own or she can choose a "prophetic word' for you and send you one with the word and the explanation of why she chose that word. To support and check her out head over to her facebook page here.

Anyways, there totally is a point to this much beyond a shameless plug for a friend. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and in my expectation of things expanding, it seems that things have almost gone the opposite. I open the letter with the key and this is what it says,

"Tony,
     Put your seat belt on! The JOURNEY is going to be huge and so much fun! He's going to satisfy all your desires for thrill! Don't focus on where you are from anymore! Focus on the journey before you!"

If you know me at all you know that I'm a huge dreamer. I believe and expect bigger than most if not everyone I know. With that, sometimes come unrealistic expectations, especially on the time it will take to achieve all the great things I can conceive in my mind. Lately circumstances and temporary setbacks have been piling up. So, needless to say, this letter and key came at the perfect time. It's easy for me to get caught up on the end destination instead of seeing the day to day journey that takes you there.

I realized as I'm making plans to move in the next couple weeks just how far I've come in a year. September will mark a year of me living in this place. When I moved in here I had nothing. I had a pillow, a couple blankets, a laundry basket of clothes and one box of sentimental stuff. Tonight as I take inventory of where I stand as I'm leaving, I'm truly blown away at what I've been able to accomplish in a few short months.

From starting with NO money and an empty apartment, to slowing acquiring 2 couches, a dining room table and chairs, TV, and stand, a desk and having a bed to sleep on is quite mind boggling to me. When I moved in here I had NO vehicle and was riding the bus 2 hours ONE WAY to work or bumming rides to get anywhere I was headed. Now I own a brand new 2016 Nissan Versa. I have my own business, and have recently joined a band (Stay tuned. More on that in the upcoming months). On top of all that, I was recently promoted after being at a job just over 6 months and given the position over 70+ people who applied.

With each of those things happening on their own over a period of 12 months, that doesn't seem that impressive. But when you list it out and see how much progress and transition has happened, it's pretty insane!

As always, I don't write this to just "toot my own horn" or draw attention to myself. I write it to show you how dedication and persistence can get you anywhere. It's easy to get discouraged in the day to day when you don't seem to have progress and the circumstances of life try to come at you and take you down. I challenge you to take inventory of your life and the last 12 months and see how far you've come and then to write out a plan for the next 12 months and see where you want to be. Your success story isn't finished. It's only just begun!

Friday, August 12, 2016

Higher Perspective

So, here I am on my flight from Nashville to LA, looking out my window from 34,000 feet. Things are so much different from up here. Houses, mansions, roads, cars, cities, everything that seems to tower over you when you're on the ground is so insignificant from up here.

It's interesting a quick change of location or change of perspective can mean the world of difference in your reality. As we go through each day, we're constantly inundated with everything. The elections, the car breaking down, bills, someone's foul opinion of us, you name it. There's so much potential in a single day alone that can drive you negatively insane!

But I want to challenge you to run every circumstance, every opinion, through your higher perspective filter. What if, every time a speed bump or a roadblock came your way, you didn't let it ruin your day? But instead, you realized that the slowdown was a small, insignificant, temporary thing in the long term perspective of your journey.

See, what I'm realizing on this plane, is that perspective is EVERYTHING. I feel like so many times we come up against an unexpected road block in life and we lose our minds because of it. When, in all reality, the speed bump is so small and insignificant it can hardly be seen from the greater perspective and overview of your life.

So today, if something comes in front of you, don't let it get you down. Don't let it stop you. Remember to tell yourself, "This is insignificant in the long term perspective of my life." Find a way to overcome and keep moving forward.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Keeping an Open Mind

So, its been a little bit since I've had some time to share anything. The last few weeks have been absolutely crazy. With two trips out of state in the last month for a wedding and a music festival, starting a business, and trying to keep up with my normal routines, things have been a bit insane. Anyways, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts on a key thing I've learned over the past few years of my journey thus far, Keeping an Open Mind.

When I started this journey to Nashville a few years back, I had all these high hopes and expectations of success and grandeur. I had heard clearly from God about his plans for my life and naturally, I thought it was all about to happen in 3 days just like Jesus raising from the dead. What I didn't pay attention to or realize is that Jesus quick 3 day turnaround wasn't just that. It was the climax of a 30 year journey.

But, nonetheless, I needed to see and hear God's plan and perspective for my life because it was way bigger than anything I could possibly dream or imagine. In the year that immediately followed, I waited for God to do what he said he would do, and kept waiting. In the time of "waiting" I wasn't necessarily just doing nothing. I was going through the painful process of God exponentially expanding my understanding and my perspective. I believed wealth was there for me to obtain and call my own. I just had to really believe more than just a dream and let it become a part of me.

Coming up from humble upbringings, there was such a shift to be had in my mind. My parents did an amazing job with what they had, but things were tight. When things are tight, that's the perspective of life you have and if you believe there is only so much to go around, that is the reality you will live in. What God was trying to teach me (for myself and then hopefully so that others would one day understand) is that there is an abundance out there for anyone who wants to go get it. You just have to have the determination and the mindset to keep going.

Its easy to get a glimpse or a taste of an open mind when it brushes by you. But to hold onto it and let it become part of you is truly the challenge. Because when you go back to the circle of influence you came from where no one else has experienced financial freedom, they try to take away that glimpse of open mind you have. They don't do it out of jealousy or bad intentions toward you, they do it out of a false perspective of love. See, when people haven't experienced wealth or freedom, they have to justify a reason in their life why they haven't tasted it for themselves. Maybe its that rich people are greedy, or manipulative or whatever they might say. Because if good people succeeded, they would have succeeded right?

That was the hardest part for me. Having a dream and seeing a reality that I knew was coming for me and wanting everyone else to taste it but they didn't have or desire to have an Open Mind. They refused to think they might not have everything figured out. I know I don't! I'm constantly studying people and situations around to me see what I can learn from other people's habits, mistakes, and successes. But, I've chosen and contended for an Open Mind to constantly learn and grow.

Because of that, I've done super well since I've moved here to Nashville. Am I where I want to be yet? Of course not! But I've had great success at my corporate job in just a quick 6 months of being there. I just started a business on the side to bring in more growth and income. I'm driving the first brand new car I've ever owned and growing! That may not seem impressive to you, but when a little over 2 years ago I had nothing and was living homeless in a park, that's huge to me!

So you may not need to go on the extreme journey I went on to Open Your Mind, but you will have to go on a journey. Some people may mock you or tell  you that you're ruining your life. You just have believe that there is more for you than everything you've ever known. Opportunity is always all around us. The only way you will be able to recognize it is with an Open Mind. Hope you are encouraged today to open your mind and start the journey to becoming everything you were designed to be!

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Recharge

So, I find myself hangin out by the dam this evening after work. It's been a long, busy week and the time of just stillness and reflection is much needed. There's just something about the water that calms me. It soothes me and let's my mind stop and not run 100 miles an hour.

It's 4th of July weekend and this place is crawling with families. People fishing, boating, or just chilling. It's a great sight to see and an awesome atmosphere to just feel and sit in. The weather is perfect. The stone I'm sitting on still warm from the heat of the day with a soft breeze blowing in off the lake. The sky is slightly overcast, which helps keep it cool, but not too cool. It's seriously perfect.

As I sit here and just breathe in the fresh air and take a few minutes to rest before I run off to another meeting tonight I'm reminded at just how important it is to take time to recharge. We do it throughout the day when we eat or at night when we sleep. But something our culture doesn't do well is let our minds and spirits rest. We're constantly running.

So on this busy weekend with campfires, drinks, barbecues, fireworks, parades, and celebrations, don't forget to take some of the extra time you have to let your mind and your spirit recharge. You can have the greatest diet and exercise and get the perfect amount of rest and still burn out.

As always, hope you're encouraged, inspired, and empowered to be the very best version of you.

Till next time,
Tony

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Love For Suffering

So, tonight a friend was talking to me about the Lord just teaching him His suffering. And like most of us, he wasn't all that stoked about it. When out of my mouth came the following, "I love suffering! If it wasn't for the suffering I have experienced I wouldn't be where I am right now."

I went on to recount how one thing happened right after another. Having everything I had, everything I had worked for be taken from me or collapse. Friends, family, ministry turning their backs on me or just being gone. Keep in mind I'm not playing the victim, I'm by far not perfect, just laying down the perspective of where I was at. I had come to Nashville on a crazy trip of glory and miracles and everything I had built, almost every relationship I had made, gone. In a couple of months.

I had come to this city with prophetic words of grandeur and the more I believed what God had spoken, the more I seemed to lose. I was at what seemed to be the end of my rope. I lost everything and almost everyone leaving me with a 1 hour walk in the morning to the bus stop, followed by a 2 hour ride to work, to work 8 hours making cold calls trying to sell stuff, just to take the same return trip home. That was my life for a few months. Having just enough to get by.

So, I learned perseverece. I refused to quit. Most mornings I would walk and pray in tongues or thank God for the words he had spoken over my life. I'd would listen to worship and do the best I could to change the atmosphere over my life. And about a year later, my life has completely changed. I have a new job, I've been in the top 5 enterprise wide at my job for a couple months in a row now. (We have over 1500 callers that I'm ranked with.) I have several business opportunities I'm working on. I wake up alive and full each day letting heaven flow out of me into others. My life has completely changed.

So yes, I love suffering. Or maybe better yet, I love the fruits of suffering. Everything is just a perspective away. Change your perspective. Change your life.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Worshipping in the Storm

I'm chilling here tonight listening to an old recording of a meeting I went to a little over a year ago. That day I had just stood up for some friends and it cost me and them greatly. I didn't handle the situation perfectly but we were definitely thrown under the bus in the whole ordeal.

I'm amazed at our response. It's exactly what you'd hope it would be in the face of such pain and opposition. We worshipped. We blessed those who cursed us and chose instead of focusing on our pain and the injustice pointed our direction to fix our eyes on heaven. We chose to see the goodness of God and live in that reality regardless of our circumstances. I'm listening to us sing these songs and we didn't worship to change anything. We didn't sing to try to hype ourselves up. We sang knowing there was more for us on the other side. We sang because we knew we had a great and glorious advocate and vindicator and didn't have to make our case before men.

Looking back it was such an incredible, albeit, intense day. Heaven is only a perspective away. It's here and present constantly. It's there to step into and expereince. Does that mean things will always be easy or perfect? Haha. Heck no! Just means that no matter what happens, we have access to the goodness of heaven. And no matter what hell, no matter what tears, no matter the pain, God is still good and is ready for us to let him in and invade our day, whether it be good or bad, and make it better.

Thanks to the friends who are faithful. Thanks to the family who never quits. Who maybe loses touch but in a crisis would be the first ones there. To help in anyway possible. In word or in deed. You know who you are.

To everyone reading, wealth isn't measured by the number in your bank account or the worth of your assets. It's measured in the quality of friends and family you have. People are the only eternal currency. Invest much. Invest often. You will die full and happy when your time comes.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

A Weekend to Remember

So, I posted a video on Facebook Friday morning talking about this weekend being something special. I ended up sending messages to several friends on top of that as well. I was beyond excited. Well, it didn't take long for things to surpass my expectations. I get to work that morning and find an email asking me to start the interview process for a promotion i was pursuing. Awesome. Then that night I got to chill by the fire at a friends birthday party all evening. Now for anyone who knows me, you know i ADORE fire. Just something about the flames that mesmerize me. I don't know. And before you throw out the term "arsonist" I'll have you know I much prefer Pyromaniac. It has a much better ring to it. Haha.

Anyways, back to the crazy goodness of the weekend. I get directed that night, or maybe it was the night before to some training videos that really helped unlock some things in me heading me towards my destiny. Yes. Even more stoked. Roll to Saturday night. I head to a meeting at a friends house and get to encounter heaven like I haven't encountered heaven in a very long time. The presence was so strong I dropped to the floor on more than one occasion. I was refreshing to be so overcome by the love and presence of God again. It had been sorely missed.

Today I wake up to take care of a couple things and go pick up my brother and get new phones for the both of us. Which, another huge blessing since both of our phones were starting to fritz out on us. Yes! Just keeps getting better. I head to church after a quick lunch and afternoon backing up and restoring information to and from our phones. Because I was tired, I almost didn't go. But, once again, the presence of God was so great during worship i almost lost it again several times. It was wonderful.

I sit down after the music is finished and I get caught into a vision or a trance whatever you want to call it. I encountered heaven in a way I never had before. I played out several scenes and saw them so intimately. I didn't just witness it, i experienced it. I was there. I come out of it and am so compelled to write down what I just saw. I get out my phone and am frantically typing the encounter I just had for the whole time the pastor was speaking. Music starts back up again and as i'm putting my phone in my pocket, I look up to see the band prophetically singing this song:

"You write a beautiful story
 You write a beautiful story
 Beginning to ending
 And in-between"

I literally just got a download of scenes to a book God's giving me and he confirms it with the song he's having the band sing. Wow! Incredible how God works through his people doing the same thing through many who aren't communicating with each other but only with Him.

Believe it or not, that wouldn't be all that happened this weekend. I get home from church and bug my roommate to come hang by the pool with me. As we're sitting talking by the pool, we come up with a business idea that's just super exciting and that I'll be sharing more about in the future.

I share all of this to say that God speaks. Here is proof that he does. Well, proof to me at least. He told me to expect this weekend would be off the chain with surprises and that a shift would happen. I didn't know if it would be just in the spirit or if stuff would happen right away in the natural. I know this weekend's events were not just for me. I would love to hear your stories of what God did for you over the last weekend and what things shifted in your life. I'm excited to hear all the good reports of God unlocking your identity and destiny!

Friday, May 27, 2016

The Darkness Is Real

It's Friday, May 27th. Just a few days before June hits. I've been fighting depression and the loudest demonic influence I can remember. I feel the dark cloud that surrounds me. Sometimes I can feel something(s) holding me down, a literal physical weight. There is a weight on my mind. So much so that sometimes I phase out or stop what I'm doing because my mind is cloudy.

I don't know why I'm afraid of God. I fear his presence now. It was all I longed for and nothing satisfies me like it... except now I'm also terrified of it. Maybe it's not his presence I fear, but the vulnerability it requires. After being taken advantage of by someone I trusted some months ago, I'm riddled with fear. I've instinctively put up so many walls, I can't count them all, much less figure out how to get them down.

The spiritual realm is very real. I've tasted the goodness of God and the fruit of the kingdom of heaven. On the other end of the spectrum lies the things I described earlier.

This will end. The truth is, it already has. Jesus won the victory and has indefinitely extended that victory to me. I just have to persevere until the truth of that reality is seen again in my life. Just because I don't see it today, doesn't make it untrue. Faith is knowing for certain the things you cannot see. Heck, maybe this is all just an exercise to display my faith. Who knows.

The above is today's journal entry. Bleak, I know. But I want to illuminate the struggle I'm in right now. Not to point a finger at me or to ask for help or anything. But to encourage you. Everyone tells me I encourage so well. This is why. Because I truly understand the other side and what one needs to hear to come out of it and make it through another day. My struggle is very real. I'm just a human like the rest of you. I'm just a son who knows the truth and refuses to let go of it even when it doesn't add up quite yet in my life. Because one day it will. Hopefully this gives someone some hope and encouragement.

Whatever hell youre stuck in right now. Will end. IT WILL END! There is always hope. Hang in there friends. The worst is almost over. The best is still to come.

Friday, May 6, 2016

"I Will Chase You"

So, today was rough. Been a few of those this week. I'm not sure if it was the exhaustion I woke up with that started it or the irritation of upset callers I let get to me at work today. Either way, by the end of my shift I was pretty upset. 

Now, let me start by saying I fully understand the world is not out to get me or pivoted against me. Some of the frustration I gave into and I'm a grown man, I have the ability to go to bed when I choose and stop the exhaustion before it happens. But none of that outweighs the spiritual battle I've found myself in this week. I honestly don't know if I've ever been more aware of the tension within me and around me like I have this week. There is a spiritual war going on all around us and we are all the canvas of that. This week, I feel the reality of that. 

Anyways, here's some good news for the light and those who fall to that persuasion. About 20 minutes before my shift is over I get a call from a wonderful lady in California. Her name was Gen, short for Genivive, but she went by Gen. She told me how she was having trouble staying connected to wi-fi and how she had all the time in the world to fix it cuz she was at the DMV. The brand new one mind you that looks like a spaceship. 

I'm going about my usual call flow when she says that she only really uses her phone to listen to Bethel music and podcasts. My ears perk up a little bit. I mention that I know what she's talking about and that was it. All phone troubleshooting was off and this woman was telling me story after story of the goodness of God and how she was just at the Azuza Now gathering a few weeks ago, something I would've loved to have been at. She then decides to pray for me and impart all she received from being there in that atmosphere on the ground that day when it happened. I instantly feel the anointing and power of God as I'm at my desk. Immediately my attitude changes and I've long forgotten about being upset or exhausted. She finishes praying, laughs a little bit, and then decides that she has to go and she'll fix her phone a different day. Hanging up right as my shift ends and I head home. 

That would all be more than enough except when I start to walk out to my car in wonder and amazement and how good my God is that he would send someone to call in unknowingly just to bless me when I was having a rough day and was in the middle of a fight, when he whispers, "I will always chase you down with my goodness, my love, and my glory." Wow! God is so mindful of me that he would go through all that trouble just to turn the tide of my day and keep me encouraged in a rough time. 

So, to everyone fighting the same battle I am fighting this week of keeping hope, let this be a reminder of what lengths our God will go for his children. To fight for them and to change the atmosphere around them when they don't know how to change it themselves. There is hope and all he's promised you is coming to pass. That's the very message the enemy has been trying to steal from me and counter this week. Don't give up friends. You're probably just on the brink of a miracle. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Unexpected

As I was reading an old Bible this morning that a friend recently gave me, an old check fell out of it. Not from my friend or from the past 20 years or so(the date still had 19__). It was scribbled on and torn in two pieces like a child had played with it.

As soon as it fell out I heard Holy Spirit say, "When you seek me for me and aren't looking for my blessings and gifts, they will surprise you and fall on you."

Man, that's so good! I feel like I lived out a tiny little piece today of "Seek first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added to you". God will sometimes withhold the blessings he desperately wants to give us because we're not ready or they would do more harm to us than good. But when your heart is fully after him, blessings and favor will start to overtake you.

I also find it interesting that the check is 20 yrs old. God has stuff he's waiting to give us. We're not waiting on him. He's waiting on us. If you're in lack today, it's not because God doesn't know or doesn't care, it's because you're too caught up in or your heart is too attached to the promises God has made to you than how attached your heart is to him. Seek first God and his kingdom, truly seeking him for him. And when your heart has fully been captivated by him things will start to unexpectedly happen.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Trust > Fear

Sitting outside in the grass today catching some of the gorgeous weather waiting for my laundry to be done, I ask Holy Spirit a question as I sense him wooing me into his presence.

"Why do I fear trusting you because the people I last trusted betrayed me? Why am I stuck here? You didn't betray me. No one else betrayed me, yet here I am calm on the outside but my spirit is a fortress on high alert at all times. How do I move forward from this spot of betrayal and let you and others in again?"

Son, I love your heart. Not only that you desire to trust Me and others and share that deep connection but that you realize that you've kept your guard up for so long. Honestly, the answer is simple. Choose to. Don't apply the experience you had with some to everyone. Treat me and everyone else as if we've never failed you until they have. Then forgive and love again.

See, you're stuck where you are because you believe the fear that you will be betrayed again. And, honestly, you might. But not by me. You are choosing to be locked up in fear so that you won't get hurt again. What you don't realize is that by doing this, you choose to live in that fear and that pain of betrayal every day. Not giving yourself hope or a chance to live in freedom. I did not give you a spirit of fear that you should cower on the inside. I made you courageous. My word says the righteous are bold as a lion. That is who you are son. That is your nature and your inheiritance, to be bold as the kingly lion. A lion is not afraid or concerned what others think. He walks with authority and confidence in who he is knowing he is the king of the plains. So, you should know who you are, with Jesus seated as a king in heavenly places walking in the flesh on this earth but with the same authority and dominion as you have in heaven.

Do not live by what you see in the natural. Live by who I say you are in the spirit. There is adventure for you every day. Every problem you face is an invitation for you and I to crush the schemes of the devil together. Every curse spoken against you will fall to the ground and I will turn it to a multiplied blessing. This is what you can expect as a son of my kingdom. So, why do you choose to live in fear? Have I not been faithful every time things went sideways in your life? Have I not used everything for your good and my glory? So today, choose and determine within yourself that you will not fear and believe the lies of darkness and trust me and believe and walk in the ways of light.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Constant Struggle With Darkness

It's easier to stay in the fortress of your apartment, letting no one in and removing the ability to get hurt. It's easier to not reach out when you're having a terrible day and not "bother anyone". It's easier to believe the lies that you're an awful person who's never going to amount to anything and that the world would be a much better place without you.

It may surprise some of you that this is far too often my struggle. I'm so upbeat and positive and believe all the good things for everyone around me because some days I still don't have it figured out to do all that for myself.

Crap happens in life and gets all of us at one point or another. Whether you've been betrayed, manipulated, taken advantage of, lied to, abused, forgotten, or ignored we all carry pain we don't like to talk about. And maybe that's ok. Maybe it's ok to focus on the light and do our best to ignore the darkness. But we can't let it win. And when was the last time you won a battle by ignoring your enemy?

I know one of my biggest downfalls is not admitting when I'm not ok. It's gotta get really bad and there be some sort of crisis on my hands before I'll be truly honest and reach out for a hand or make a phonecall or even just pray about it. I'm the first one to care about everyone around me and the last to remember myself. That may seem admirable but is it really when it's just deflection? Is it really admirable when I focus on what everyone else needs to ignore the pain I feel? Sure, there's some good fruit in it, but damn is it unhealthy. And all it does is lock me into the cycle I've been in for years. Top of the world. Bottom of the barrel. Repeat. Sometimes it's months before I make the switch but I always do.

Why am I typing all this mess up now? Cuz if there's one way to fight the darkness it's to bring it to light. I am by no means encouraging anyone to identify themselves by the struggles you have. But what stays in the shadows will always have a hold over you. Im not asking you to publicly share what's happened, what gets to you, what darkness holds you down at night and steals your sleep. But tell someone. Get it off your chest. And heck, if any of this that you've read sounds like you, maybe you and I both need to find a way to ask for help when we need it.

You are more than the words you tell yourself when no one is listening. You are more than the lies you'd never repeat. There is hope for you friend if you choose to believe. To all my hurting friends who struggle with darkness, let the light shine. And be free.

Monday, March 14, 2016

Unexpected Rest

The best part about today started when I had been sitting at the airport for 30 minutes waiting for my phone to ping me and tell me I had a ride. (I started driving for Lyft on the side a few weeks ago.) I decided to apply a little of my faith and ask God to help send me rides so I could make some cash. His response. "Did I ask you to do this today?"

Ouch. So, I kinda tried to make excuses and then started over thinking that I never should've signed up for Lyft in the first place (dramatic I know), when he asked me to turn off the app and go spend some time with him by the dam. I sighed and punched it into my GPS and headed that way. Kinda feeling down like I missed it and I wasted time all day getting to the point where he could tell me I was missing it. Not the greatest feeling in the world.

As I'm driving he starts to tell me how he just wants me to be out in the sun and fresh air and enjoy it with him. Somehow I believed he had some hard conversation or daunting task I would have to accomplish. Nope. Somehow I forgot how crazy in love with me he is and how for me he is. He wanted me to enjoy today for ME. Wierd concept in trying to still wrap my brain around after years of pursuing him and more of just letting him pursue me.

I'm almost to the marina where I thought I was headed, a place he's sent me many times before, when I saw the rocks going out along side of the dam and it just looked wonderfully inviting. I parked and headed down there. Took off my shirt to enjoy the fullness of the vitamin D that I could absorb (also realizing that I need to work on toning my body and taking care of the temple he's given me and I've kinda started to let go. Anyways, back to the story.) and headed down to the rocks. I found this nice big flat one right by the waters edge in the sun.

It was nice but a little awkward as well. Everyone else there was down the pier a ways and fishing. And here's me tanning or whatever I was doing. I felt weird before the fisherman started taking pics of the "hippie kid meditating on the rock". Haha. Oh well. I started to get antsy and was like, "God, why am I here?" He just told me to lay down and enjoy it. So I did. It was awesome. My off day turned into a restful restorative day thanks to him.

At this point you're probably thinking, "Tony, I just read this story and now what? You ran that right off a cliff. Where are you going with this?" Haha. Funny you ask. I'm getting there. The point is, sometimes there doesn't have to be a big point, or some mind blowing experience or encounter. Sometimes it's just ok to be with him. It can be one of the most restoring things to your mind, body, and spirit.

I just finished off the night after coming home and having some hard conversations that needed to be had and worshipping him, to type this up and let whoever reads know that Jesus is worth it. Following him, giving him your whole life is exhilarating and scary and awesome and at times painful and exhausting. But at the end of the day. Every day. It's worth it.

As always, be encouraged friends.
Till next time...

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Impossible Promises Faithfully Kept

This story starts around 4 years ago. I had just quit my band of 4+ years playing bass to start my own project doing vocals. I finally got the lineup of guys and a friend of ours demanded we play their EP release show. The only catch... Their show was a month out and my guys hadn't played a note together and the 4 of us were spread out across the state. But, in my ambition (or surrender) I agreed. We all did.

The next 3 weeks we spent all of our weekends writing and practicing for the show. We ended up with 3 tracks to play. Not bad if you asked us. We were having fun and we didn't sound half bad either. The day of the show comes. We practice and set up and then find ourselves in the back room with the band members of my friends band who demanded we play the show with them. We circled up and prayed. This wasn't your typical "let's pray cuz we're a Christian band and we have to prayer." No, this was a room full of men who were hungry and desperate for the presence and power of God to come. We cried out. We gave the night over to the glory of God and the advancement of his kingdom. I left that room and it didn't matter. Nothing did. I was full. I was complete. I didn't even pic up a mic yet and it didn't matter. I didn't care if I did well or we bombed the show. Cuz I encountered haven with my friends in the back room before we even took the stage.

Our slot rolls around later in the evening and we play. Someone happened to record the evening and I'll post the links at the end of this entry for anyone who's curious what happened. We got off the stage feeling pretty good. We all thought the show went well until we saw the video. In our eyes we looked like a band that had been touring awhile and kinda knew what they were doing. It wasn't us. The heaven we encountered in the back room came with us into that stage and encountered that whole room. To this day that night is one of my favorite memories and I'm so thankful someone felt the need to capture it so I could pop back and relive that special night once in awhile.

The night ends and we have to head back home. We have 3 1/2 hrs or more to drive home. We get about 30 minutes out of town and the alternator in my truck dies. Great. Tow and back to the friends house for the night. We hang out for a couple days and need to head back home. We felt the need to just pray and go. Our good friend drops us off and we throw a jump on the truck from his van pray and start driving. Something told me to record what was happening so I did. That video is here.

From there we went a good part of the way home and pulled off into a gas station to go to the bathroom. The truck died. I was devastated. After seeing such a demonstration of Gods power, how could he leave us hanging? I called a friend to come pick us up who unknowingly to me had prayed that morning, "God give me someone to sacrifice for today." And so in order to answer his prayer God worked it out to write another page of a crazy story. As I'm sitting there waiting, I call my dad. I tell him I'm basically gonna scrap the perfectly working truck (other than the alternator) cuz I feel like Gods telling me I'm done with it. My dad, thinks I'm crazy and gets pretty upset that I'm being foolish at "the voice of God". Until I realize it. I'm supposed to give my truck to my dad.

A few months prior, my dad was in a nasty accident where he rolled his truck I believe 9 times going down the highway. He had always wanted a truck to pull a boat and just to have. He had the truck for less than a year when this happened. And when all of it was said and done it was more cost effective to purchase a car for my mom to drive out of state and replace her car than for him to replace the truck.

I saw in that moment God wanted to honor my dads sacrifice of giving up his dream vehicle for the betterment of my mom and give him a truck again. My dad thought I was crazy and refused. So a few weeks later I replaced the alternator and drive the truck to my dad and dropped it off. Leaving me without a vehicle. It was the middle of winter in Wisconsin and I was walking to work over an hour in the snow one way. I was nuts. But I held to my convictions. A few months later my parents gave me the extra car they no longer needed. I almost immediately sold it and drove to Wyoming to buy a van from some friends at a great deal as a band vehicle.

Very shortly after that I had an encounter with Jesus that changed my life. Prior to this point I had lived my life for God but on that day I gave my everything TO him. I quit my band. A few months later I quit my jobs. I gave the van away. I gave a lot of stuff away. I didn't need it. Thousands of dollars worth of music equipment, my whole life up to that point, given away to people who could use it or at least be blessed by it.

During this time I strongly felt God tell me that the next vehicle I would have would be a brand new car. I held to that promise tightly until the batteredness of the journey made me forget the promise alltogether. I ended up through a crazy journey here in Tennessee. I've had no easy times since I've been here. From loving homeless in a park for 2 weeks to having to get up at 4 in the morning to walk an hour to the bus to ride the bus for 2 hours just to get to work.

All that time I never quit. I was close. I said I quit but inside of me I never ever quit. Eventually a friend let me drive a car for a few months. I thought I had something lined up knowing the timeframe was ending and last minute that fell through. That was this weekend. When I got a text that said you have 9 days to figure something out with a vehicle.

I had no idea what I was going to do. So I woke up early to head to the bank and see what I could do for a loan. Nothing. My credit was 10 points shy of getting a loan. Off to the dealers it was to get a higher interest loan then I guess. I drive from one mom n pop place to another. I'm about ready to give up when I just drive through the parking lot of the Nissan dealer by my house. The kind lady stops me and asks to help me. So I park and decide to humor her knowing everything there I cannot afford. We drive a couple used vehicles that were super nice. They try to get me into one and my credit is too whack. Then they try to get me into a new vehicle as they are easier to get approved for and have more rebates and since it's the last day of the month, they are desperate for sales to make quota.

They make me an offer and it's double what I wanted pay a month. I kindly thank them for their time and head home. I had gotten my hopes up and was pretty sure I heard God tell me as I was test driving the last car "this is what I have for you". I really started to doubt that when I was driving home. I got home and did what I knew to do. Started looking at bus routes. Somewhere between me getting depressed that there's no bus routes that work to get to my new job and not knowing what to do, my phone rings. It's the Nissan dealer promising me a price I can afford and to come back in. No way!!! I go back in and come back a few hours later after paperwork with a brand new 2016 Nissan Versa. It's amazing and I've never owned a brand new vehicle before.

It wasn't until two days later when I was pulling groceries out of my trunk that God reminded me of his promise of the next vehicle I owned being a brand new car. Years later. After I had long forgotten and given up hope on what he told me, he remembered. He was faithful to do what he said.

I share this long story tonight to hopefully give someone a breath of hope. It's not about me or my story. Don't marvel at that. Marvel at the goodness and faithfulness of a God who never forgets if we never quit and stay the course to receive what he has coming. He is faithful. Following him is the hardest thing you'll ever do. But it's worth it. Hope this is encouraging to you. If there's promises he's made, he will keep them. In his way and in his time. He is faithful. Hang in there friend. You're not alone. Hope is coming. Hope is here.

For those who wanted to see the videos to the show here they are:
Clip 1
Clip 2
Clip 3

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Navigating the Void

My heart is a little heavy as I type this out. I've been reading a book called "The Five People You Meet in Heaven". The main character just met his wife as the fourth person and now she's gone. Terrible explanation, I know. But anyways it's a starting point to show you what got me thinking. I've never really considered heaven to be anything other than shared with my friends and loved ones. This book made me consider not being able to spend eternity with them. 

I'm not afraid of my friends or family dying. Death doesn't scare me. It's the void that follows. I understand that in a void something else can come, something greater. But this is something I don't wish to upgrade. I want to keep the friends, the relationships I have as long as I can and never replace them when they're gone. 

The truth is, individuals can never be replaced. Everyone was made unique. Replacing someone is impossible. But if you lose someone or for whatever reason your time with them comes to an end, a void is left. Now you can either protect that void and feel the emptiness it creates or you can let that space be filled with someone or something new. Just because a space in your life is filled does not invalidate or cheapen what filled it before. Does the time I spend daily with my closest friend(s) cheapen the time I used to spend similarly with the friend(s) in high school? No. It's just different. It's the same space filled in different ways. The ways the space is filled are incomparable. 

You have to allow yourself to love. Do not fear the void. The void is there only as long as you want it to be. You have to invest in people. People are the only thing that transcends time into eternity. Lives are eternal currency. You want to be rich? Invest. Anyone you meet. Encourage. Lift up. Speak life. Declare destiny. Just go about your day being who you are and love people. When you do you won't even realize the depth of change you are creating in people's lives. 

You have to push. Push to excel and to help others around you to excel. That is how you avoid the depravity of the void. And don't take things to the other extreme when you lose someone or something and just hop from friend to friend or thing to thing. Grieve and admit the loss. But get back up and continue to love. Love through the grieving. It sucks, but it's the best way to deal with the pain. Let love invade that place and overwhelm the pain. 

Well, there's my heart and my thoughts for the evening. As always hopefully it's encouraging and inspires you to be exactly who you were created to be.