So, tonight Gods been showing me himself throughout my life. He's revealed to me how much he has loved me and how much the people around me have loved me my whole life. But I never knew how to receive it or hold onto it because I self sabotaged. Some people physically cut their bodies, I cut my spirit. So that every time love would come to me I would cut my heart and the love that was given that was meant to last would pour out of me wasted.
I can't be the only one and that's part of why I'm writing this. But what's got my mind spinning more than the "emotional cutting" I did to myself for years was the incessant pouring out of love that Papa did to me. Even though I either had gaping open wounds that the love would trickle out of or I was about to right after he showed his love to me, he never stopped loving me.
A lot of times we stop loving with our actions and say, "Oh, I still love you but..." Love has no buts. It didn't matter how "wasteful" his love seemed, he kept loving me. Even though I chose not to keep the love he gave. He still saw value and worth in showing me love even if I was going to just let that previous love fall carelessly to the ground as if it meant nothing. I'm sure that had to hurt. You pour out everything for someone and they just let it spill to the ground as if it has no value. And yet he keeps pouring.
I have so many good people in my life right now and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm not going to let another person get burnt out of pouring into me just to have me forget that I'm loved and make them and their love feel worthless. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to hold onto the love we're given and never let it go.
I'm so thankful Papa is so kind to me to show me my shortcomings so he can fix them. And to show me his faithfulness despite my human imperfection. He always covers the lack and bridges the gap. What an amazing God we love.
Monday, October 5, 2015
How Was Your Day?
So, this weekend I had a pretty intense encounter with heaven. I wrote it all down and have been going back to it trying to unpack the fullness of it. I was asking questions and writing down what I heard heaven telling me. As I sat down tonight, I was about to jump right back in and start asking questions and learning more about what Papa had for me when a different thought took over me. Instead of just selfishly digging out what I was seeking I asked a different question, "How was your day today?"
His answer surprised me. It was like I could hear and "feel" his thoughts and he considered the flood in South Carolina, starvation throughout the world, suffering and abuse. After thinking about all those things, he said this:
"Today was a good day. It's always a good day to me. We don't have bad days here in heaven. Yes, I know there are terrible things going on in the world. And my heart breaks and I am far from ignorant or unaware. But I choose to focus on the good things. Today people were healed all over the world. Today people were set free. Today people thought differently about me, more towards the way I truly am."
Wow! This is pretty incredible to me. God is not unhappy. Even on the most atrocious days he chooses to find the good in it and say, "Today was a good day." I want to do the same.
His answer surprised me. It was like I could hear and "feel" his thoughts and he considered the flood in South Carolina, starvation throughout the world, suffering and abuse. After thinking about all those things, he said this:
"Today was a good day. It's always a good day to me. We don't have bad days here in heaven. Yes, I know there are terrible things going on in the world. And my heart breaks and I am far from ignorant or unaware. But I choose to focus on the good things. Today people were healed all over the world. Today people were set free. Today people thought differently about me, more towards the way I truly am."
Wow! This is pretty incredible to me. God is not unhappy. Even on the most atrocious days he chooses to find the good in it and say, "Today was a good day." I want to do the same.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
A Moment in Time
There are times in life where everything falls into place. Nothing changes. Yet at the same time everything does. It comes suddenly, unexpectedly. You could be riding the bus to work or having dinner with friends when WHAM!!! the realization that everything you have been waiting on, all the work all the patience, has suddenly paid off.
I remember back roughly 2 years ago when I encountered God in a more powerful and intimate way than I had ever done before. I believe I had accepted the free gift of salvation prior to this, but I hadn't truly given my life to him until this point. I quit my band, which, if you knew me at all during this timeframe you knew that was where the fullness of my identity lied, in music. A couple months later, at the leading of the Holy Spirit, I quit my jobs. A couple months later after some intense times of prayer and worship, I was off on my journey of faith, headed to Nashville Tennessee. In order to go, I gave up everything of value I had at the time: my hope of a music career, my relationship with my family, my music equipment, my vehicle, everything I had, he required of me.
December of 2013, me and Ben Miller headed out of town to go to a music festival in Iowa where I was scheduled to speak. The morning we left I looked at Ben and said something to the affect of, "You know if we do this, everything changes and we can never come back." I was speaking metaphorically of course but little did I know how literal that statement would become. We headed off and had a car that shouldn't have been taken out of town much less out of state. And we only had $30 cash to our names between the two of us. We left without even enough gas money to get where we intended to go. But we had faith. Unshakeable faith.
One thing after another, miraculously and right on time, God provided all we needed. We not only got to Iowa for me to speak at the small music festival which ironically was called Leap of Faith, we made it on to our next assignment in Nashville. I can still remember that first night driving down into the city on highway 65. As you start to come into the city, you come down a hill. As you come over the crest of the hill and make the descent into the city you see the beautiful skyline. It's gorgeous at night. One of the most beautiful sights in the world, to me at least. I knew the moment my eyes beheld that beautiful skyline that I was home. And not only was I home, but this would always be home.
Tonight I made that drive again. What started out being an awesome night with my roommate Jono and myself heading to our friends David and Vicki's house turned into a night I will never forget. I don't know if it hit me while I was eating desert, or maybe it was on the ride home, I'll never be sure of the exact moment. But at some point tonight, everything froze as I realized everything was about to change. Everything had changed.
I gave up everything when I left Wisconsin, and it's always been worth it. But tonight in the presence of even more world changers I realized that everyone in my life, everyone close to me is royalty. As I thought about that a bit more, I realized that royalty hangs out with royalty. And if I'm looking around and all I see is royalty, then I must be royalty too. Everything made sense. Everything I am called to do, I am positioned for. I have the most amazing people in my life. Not just the ones I mentioned tonight.
I am home. Everything is about to change. Everything has changed. I was the first one to realize it. Now everyone around me will start to realize it as the things that have been prepared start to happen in bigger and more amazing ways. But as my destiny unfolds and all things I'm dreaming about begin to come to pass, I realize I have more than I could ever have dreamed for. Living life with people who are kings and queens.
I remember back roughly 2 years ago when I encountered God in a more powerful and intimate way than I had ever done before. I believe I had accepted the free gift of salvation prior to this, but I hadn't truly given my life to him until this point. I quit my band, which, if you knew me at all during this timeframe you knew that was where the fullness of my identity lied, in music. A couple months later, at the leading of the Holy Spirit, I quit my jobs. A couple months later after some intense times of prayer and worship, I was off on my journey of faith, headed to Nashville Tennessee. In order to go, I gave up everything of value I had at the time: my hope of a music career, my relationship with my family, my music equipment, my vehicle, everything I had, he required of me.
December of 2013, me and Ben Miller headed out of town to go to a music festival in Iowa where I was scheduled to speak. The morning we left I looked at Ben and said something to the affect of, "You know if we do this, everything changes and we can never come back." I was speaking metaphorically of course but little did I know how literal that statement would become. We headed off and had a car that shouldn't have been taken out of town much less out of state. And we only had $30 cash to our names between the two of us. We left without even enough gas money to get where we intended to go. But we had faith. Unshakeable faith.
One thing after another, miraculously and right on time, God provided all we needed. We not only got to Iowa for me to speak at the small music festival which ironically was called Leap of Faith, we made it on to our next assignment in Nashville. I can still remember that first night driving down into the city on highway 65. As you start to come into the city, you come down a hill. As you come over the crest of the hill and make the descent into the city you see the beautiful skyline. It's gorgeous at night. One of the most beautiful sights in the world, to me at least. I knew the moment my eyes beheld that beautiful skyline that I was home. And not only was I home, but this would always be home.
Tonight I made that drive again. What started out being an awesome night with my roommate Jono and myself heading to our friends David and Vicki's house turned into a night I will never forget. I don't know if it hit me while I was eating desert, or maybe it was on the ride home, I'll never be sure of the exact moment. But at some point tonight, everything froze as I realized everything was about to change. Everything had changed.
I gave up everything when I left Wisconsin, and it's always been worth it. But tonight in the presence of even more world changers I realized that everyone in my life, everyone close to me is royalty. As I thought about that a bit more, I realized that royalty hangs out with royalty. And if I'm looking around and all I see is royalty, then I must be royalty too. Everything made sense. Everything I am called to do, I am positioned for. I have the most amazing people in my life. Not just the ones I mentioned tonight.
I am home. Everything is about to change. Everything has changed. I was the first one to realize it. Now everyone around me will start to realize it as the things that have been prepared start to happen in bigger and more amazing ways. But as my destiny unfolds and all things I'm dreaming about begin to come to pass, I realize I have more than I could ever have dreamed for. Living life with people who are kings and queens.
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