So, tonight Gods been showing me himself throughout my life. He's revealed to me how much he has loved me and how much the people around me have loved me my whole life. But I never knew how to receive it or hold onto it because I self sabotaged. Some people physically cut their bodies, I cut my spirit. So that every time love would come to me I would cut my heart and the love that was given that was meant to last would pour out of me wasted.
I can't be the only one and that's part of why I'm writing this. But what's got my mind spinning more than the "emotional cutting" I did to myself for years was the incessant pouring out of love that Papa did to me. Even though I either had gaping open wounds that the love would trickle out of or I was about to right after he showed his love to me, he never stopped loving me.
A lot of times we stop loving with our actions and say, "Oh, I still love you but..." Love has no buts. It didn't matter how "wasteful" his love seemed, he kept loving me. Even though I chose not to keep the love he gave. He still saw value and worth in showing me love even if I was going to just let that previous love fall carelessly to the ground as if it meant nothing. I'm sure that had to hurt. You pour out everything for someone and they just let it spill to the ground as if it has no value. And yet he keeps pouring.
I have so many good people in my life right now and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm not going to let another person get burnt out of pouring into me just to have me forget that I'm loved and make them and their love feel worthless. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to hold onto the love we're given and never let it go.
I'm so thankful Papa is so kind to me to show me my shortcomings so he can fix them. And to show me his faithfulness despite my human imperfection. He always covers the lack and bridges the gap. What an amazing God we love.
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